Thursday, June 7, 2012

Nobody Ever Said It Would Be This Hard

Anyone who says that relationships are easy, they're lying. I truly believe that there are always going to be a variety of things or times where a relationship is going to be tough- whether it's an argument over the status of the toilet seat or that your partner disappears for months at a time. But nobody said it was easy, and it's not.

But nobody ever said it would be this hard either. To quote the song is probably cheesy, but it's bang on the money. This weekend I spent in London, as I do many long weekends, because they're the best opportunity I get to see and spend time with my partner T. This weekend was both wonderful and slightly different. This weekend was my birthday, and T's is not long ago, so it was a chance to celebrate. And we did. We had a lot of fun at an EPIC set by Thomas Gold at Ministry of sound....

And had a beautiful stay in a Whitehall hotel and some afternoon tea....

But this weekend was also emotional. And difficult. And the aftermath is still sinking in. And it hurts. Do not misunderstand, we are still together, we did not have a huge fight- been there, done that. But my partner is gone.

He is of course, with the Forces. It's something that makes me very proud because his journey there has been a long and twisted one. I love that he is driven to do it, and admire that it's all he wants to do. I can never and would never begrudge him his dream, because I too wanted to join the Forces. But kissing goodbye to the person who is my partner, who makes me laugh even after a nurse has had 5 unsuccessful attempts at taking my blood, who stuck with it, even through the difficulties I faced with both my health and completing my degree, is hard when you know it's not for just a month, and that there will be no several hundred text messages a week (yes really) and that you don't yet know if there'll be opportunities for letters or emails. That's hard.

I always knew that this time would come, and in my head I thought I would handle it, and that I'd get on it with it. But nobody can tell you how hard it is to say goodbye. To break the embrace. And not to cry.

Adjusting to our time apart is tough. It's caused many a disagreement and cross word between T and I. Being together can be just as tough- yes that's a bus lane between us in bed, yes you need to respect that when I'm asleep. No I will not be happy if I wake at 0400 and you're tangled around me, making me overheat... But here's what I learned this weekend:

Nobody can ever prepare you for how hard it will be, which is why nobody ever said it would be this hard. And if it were easy, there'd be something pretty wrong. A relationship isn't easy street, but there's a damn good reason we do it despite that.

To anyone who made it to the end of this, I applaud you, and if you're reading this and it helps you remember what you love about someone or it reminds you why their so precious, then I'm glad I wrote it. But mostly, this post was for me. And for that, I will not apologise, but I hope you'll understand.
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