Thursday, June 7, 2012

Nobody Ever Said It Would Be This Hard

Anyone who says that relationships are easy, they're lying. I truly believe that there are always going to be a variety of things or times where a relationship is going to be tough- whether it's an argument over the status of the toilet seat or that your partner disappears for months at a time. But nobody said it was easy, and it's not.

But nobody ever said it would be this hard either. To quote the song is probably cheesy, but it's bang on the money. This weekend I spent in London, as I do many long weekends, because they're the best opportunity I get to see and spend time with my partner T. This weekend was both wonderful and slightly different. This weekend was my birthday, and T's is not long ago, so it was a chance to celebrate. And we did. We had a lot of fun at an EPIC set by Thomas Gold at Ministry of sound....



And had a beautiful stay in a Whitehall hotel and some afternoon tea....




But this weekend was also emotional. And difficult. And the aftermath is still sinking in. And it hurts. Do not misunderstand, we are still together, we did not have a huge fight- been there, done that. But my partner is gone.

He is of course, with the Forces. It's something that makes me very proud because his journey there has been a long and twisted one. I love that he is driven to do it, and admire that it's all he wants to do. I can never and would never begrudge him his dream, because I too wanted to join the Forces. But kissing goodbye to the person who is my partner, who makes me laugh even after a nurse has had 5 unsuccessful attempts at taking my blood, who stuck with it, even through the difficulties I faced with both my health and completing my degree, is hard when you know it's not for just a month, and that there will be no several hundred text messages a week (yes really) and that you don't yet know if there'll be opportunities for letters or emails. That's hard.

I always knew that this time would come, and in my head I thought I would handle it, and that I'd get on it with it. But nobody can tell you how hard it is to say goodbye. To break the embrace. And not to cry.

Adjusting to our time apart is tough. It's caused many a disagreement and cross word between T and I. Being together can be just as tough- yes that's a bus lane between us in bed, yes you need to respect that when I'm asleep. No I will not be happy if I wake at 0400 and you're tangled around me, making me overheat... But here's what I learned this weekend:

Nobody can ever prepare you for how hard it will be, which is why nobody ever said it would be this hard. And if it were easy, there'd be something pretty wrong. A relationship isn't easy street, but there's a damn good reason we do it despite that.

To anyone who made it to the end of this, I applaud you, and if you're reading this and it helps you remember what you love about someone or it reminds you why their so precious, then I'm glad I wrote it. But mostly, this post was for me. And for that, I will not apologise, but I hope you'll understand.
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17 comments

Bee. said...

Totally understand you there, sweet. Luke's wanting to head into the RAF so I'm bracing myself. Surround yourself with friends and family and always remember, I'm here ;) 

Rachael said...

I feel for you! I know how hard it can be because of my own personal experiences with a long distance relationship and even though at times we nearly went without seeing each other physically for a nearly a year we luckily had msn and texts to keep in touch. That added extra silence that you now face must be so hard and I feel for you, I really do! Nothing can make being apart easier you just learn to deal with it and you both find you own ways of making a relationship work. But that time apart for us made me really see how important my guy is to me, I fought and I struggled with being long distance but I was darn determined to make it work and if anyone tells you others that they won't work show them a finger and prove them wrong!! Although our experiences are that alike if you ever need someone to talk to you know where to find me! 

Aydenmillar said...

Nobody promised it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it <3 One of my favourite quotes. Chin up C. Miss you xx

Eloise said...

This sounds silly but I don't know what to say! I read every word of this and I really feel for you but the only way to relate is to put myself in your shoes. I really hope everything goes ok for you Chloe, how long is your boyfriend away for? My sister is in the RAF and her Boyfriend is in the Army so they spend a lot of time apart but have managed (after many an argument) to make it work xxxx

Chloe said...

Thank you Bee, much appreciated. I think it's just a case of adjusting. And less of the 'old sap' madam, I'm older than you!

Chloe said...

I've been following your journey through immigration in the US and your story behind it, which is lovely. It is tough, and I don't think it will ever be easy, I'd just like it to be a bit less hard. Your comment is much appreciated, and different or the same, the sentiment in your experiences  is there.

Chloe said...

Oh I hope so Ayden, I hope so. Miss you lots too. I may be moving further from the border, so we need to get together before it becomes less possible!

Chloe said...

It's not silly at all, and thank you for commenting, even if you didn't know what to say. I'm sure it will be fine, T will be gone for 12-14 weeks, but it's not totally clear yet exactly how long, and if/when I might be able to contact him in that time. IT's likely I'll just hear from him by letter/email once or twice. I think, much like your sister, it's just a case of getting through and making it work. I admire her and her partner, as it must be hellish to co ordinate!

The Pampered Sparrow said...

My husband and I have been together a long time. We've survived family breakups, a long distance relationship for several years, working together as business partners... we've had HUGE rows, amazing conversations. We've been through thick and thin. All I can say to you is, love prevails. Keep your chin up lovely. It's meant to be. xxxx

mrs_sock said...

Yes relationships are hard. But worth it. Thinking of you xx

Chloe said...

Thanks you. I know what being business partners entail- I work for both my parents who've been doing what we do for 12 years this year.... It takes a special pair to be able to. 

Maria Fallon said...

I really wish there was something I could do to make this easier for you but I am ALWAYS here if you want to talk and I promise I will write to you very soon. Sending you loads of love 

Maria xxx

Chloe said...

Thank you querida mia. I think with time, it won't get easier, but I hope it'll become less hard. I really appreciate you kind wishes and sending love back your way.

Alex said...

Ach, I don't really know if I can say anything that will be helpful.  Just that I hope it proves possible for communications to be a bit better than you're imagining during that initial period and that things get settled down after that.  In the meantime, if you need a natter or distraction, you know where I am.

Lou said...

I've only just read this, I've been lacking on the reading front recently. All I can really say is so much love to you lady, and as Ayden keeps saying to me - nobody said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it!xx

Chloe said...

Thank you Alex, much appreciated. I really hoping that it will settle down and become a bit less hard. He flew out yesterday so it really is it now.

Chloe said...

Cheers Louise, getting there. He flew out yesterday, so it's hit pretty hard today.

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