Opinion: On Deciding Not To Have a Wedding Yet

So, in case you missed it, when we were in the middle of Ha Long Bay back in April, Tom asked me to marry him. And I said yes. I won't be sharing any more of our engagement than that, or certainly not for now. He designed a beautiful ring and by the time we got home from out Vietnam adventures, it was a bit strange, having had 2 weeks to get used to the idea (and the new tan line from my ring), to be plunged into a chaos of congratulatory family gatherings and the inevitable, oft asked question- have you set a date?



Short answer, no.

Long answer: well....

Let's start with the most obvious thing for us, we have absolutely no idea how we want to do this. Tom and I have a lot of ideas on how we don't want to get married, but we haven't really gotten as far as how we would like to seal the deal. And quite frankly, the busiest part of my year business-wise and an especially hectic few months after an extended holiday for Tom, not really the best time to be stressing that kind of thing. So, no date, and no idea what kind of a wedding, with whom or where... yet.



Then there's the boring adulting thing. Tom and I live in London, and that's expensive. I'm as ok with that as one ever gets with the cost of living, we choose to live where do, doing what we do and there's a cost attached to that. But it also means that we have to prioritise our finances carefully, and one of our major priorities, like lots of people, is saving for a deposit on a house purchase. We're getting there, slowly, but reaching our goal will not be possible if we have to dilute our savings plan to factor in a wedding. Buying a house is important to us and life is too short to give up wine to fund a wedding. See below...



And weddings are expensive. I wince every time I read about cakes that cost as much as our rent, or realise that tabbing wedding onto the front of anything seems to treble the price. This is all the more frustrating, if like me, you've never really had an idea of your own wedding- I don't have a dream venue or style or image in my head.

And then there's the politics. My family is complicated, like a lot of families. I don't even want to think about the joy that will be a guestlist, high blood pressure might actually get to me before we get to the 'I do' bit.

So, no we haven't set a date. And it's not something that we'll be doing for a while, because it's not the right thing for us at this time.